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Wenger Tables £3 Million Bid for Unborn Foetus

Billy Ray - Chief Sports Writer

 

Arsenal's previous recruitment of two youngsters provoked anger from respective clubs Barcelona and Cardiff, but the imminent signing of Juan is being completed without attention from any other football club because Juan is actually an unborn foetus.

The -4 month year old attracted Wenger's attention with his rhythmical stomach kicking and methodical thumping, and Wenger believes in time he will be the perfect solution to Arsenals annual striker crisis.

David Gill, Arsenal sporting director, is expected to arrive in Madrid this week to agree a compensation package of around £3 million after a Spanish civil court ruled in October that the younger forward would actually have to be born before he can sign a contract with a non-Spanish club.

Juan's father David Milla said that Arsenal were the only club truly interested in the foetus. "Juan is very strong physically and outstanding in and arouWengernd the placenta," Milla said. "He's also very comfortable (in the womb), with a good left foot. Juan's sale will fund another three kids and all of theireducational costs. That is if we decide to call him Juan, si?"

Juan, expected to grow to around 6ft 2in, will sign a professional contract with Arsenal when he is born in January.

His parents spent three days in London last week being shown around the training ground, the Emirates Stadium and the accommodation for the unborn players. They also spoke to Fàbregas and Arsène Wenger, the Arsenal manager, who convinced them that he had an opportunity to break into the first team within 18 years. They returned to Madrid last Thursday "dazzled" by the offer.

Juan came to prominence with impressive displays in the X-ray department of the maternity ward when scheduled against children from Barcelona, Valencia and Madrid, in the same hospital where Cesc Fabregas, Miguel Indurain, and Rafael Nadal were born.

Juan himself was unavailable for comment.

ABOVE: Artists' Impression of Juan's Signing.

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